The episode begins as Orson Pig tells Aloysius to watch over the farm while he's in Hawaii. When Orson boards the bus, Aloysius stares at his butt, amazed that he's boarding a bus. Aloysius, who was possibly paying more attention to Orson's "cute butt" (Diary Of A Wimpy Kid reference, anyone), thinks he didn't say goodbye, and gives him 5 demerits. We then cut to Wade happily walking away. Roy tells the viewers that he has a dirty trick in hand for Wade- a jack-in-the-box toy which when cranked, has a Frankenstein doll pop out instead of a clown that gives out a tasty mint. Wade thinks Roy is being untrustworthy, but Roy asks him how many times he has been that way, and Wade asks what show number it is. The answer? 106 for the production run, 108 for the CBS run.Wade then says he can trust Roy. He winds up the box, causing Roy to giggle in hope he gets scared, but a clown holding a mint pops out instead. Wade says he's going to take back every nasty thing he's said about Roy for now. Roy wonders why the prank didn't work, so he checks it, and the Frankenstein doll scares him first! Wade comes over and asks for another tasty mint, but sees that Roy is naked, and says that it's very indecent. Aloysius agrees and gives him 20 demerits for having no feathers on. Wade and Roy wonder who passed by. Roy then gets changed at Roy's Roost into another feather suit. We cut to Aloysius writing on his notepad. Wade comes by and asks who he is, and by what authority he is handing out demerits. Aloysius then introduces himself with "My name is Aloysius Pig. And I'm in charge!" Wade repeats his introduction, and yells "Un momento! Who may I asked put you in charge, Aloysius Pig?". Aloysius gives Wade 15 demerits for asking that question. Roy tells Wade that they have to get rid of Aloysius, since he was annoying them. By doing this, Roy thinks Aloysius will be as annoyed as they are and quit. Wade, meanwhile, worries about the "trouble" he's in...Wade is climbing a ladder so that he can drop creamed corn on Aloysius. Wade doesn't want to do this, but Roy says that this will get rid of Aloysius. As Roy draws an X, he tells the audience why he thinks the plan will work. Aloysius then comes into position, and asks Roy what he's doing. Roy then calls him a "pork belly" (As I told you 2 weeks ago, this is not the only time they mentioned animals being turned into food). Being offended by this, Aloysius gives Roy 10 demerits. Roy then tells Wade it's a good time to drop the corn on Aloysius, but Wade acts cowardly as always, and misses Aloysius! Roy is covered in the corn instead, and Aloysius gives Wade 20 demerits for dumping corn on Roy (whom he calls "the rooster"). Wade is shocked that he has even more demerits than before, and then lands on Roy. Aloysius comes back and sees that Wade has fallen on Roy, and gives both of them 20 demerits. Wade then complains about his demerits again, and is told by Roy to lie down.Roy then paints blue spots on Wade, making him look sick. Roy thinks this will fool Aloysius, so he grabs him by his hand. Aloysius tell Roy to let go, or he will give Roy more demerits. At the site where Wade is lying, Aloysius notices instantly that Roy really painted Wade, and gives Roy 25 demerits for doing so. When all they've done to get rid of Aloysius has failed, Roy conjures up another idea: to call his mother. Wade tells him not to, but Roy says it has to be done. Meanwhile, Aloysius has given 10 demerits to a goat whom I assume is his pet for licking the glue off of a tin can that he fed him. The goat then baas at Aloysius, and he gives the goat 20 demerits for "talking back". Wade and Roy are dilly-dallying under a tree. Aloysius gives them 20 demerits. They still don't hear him, and he repeats what he said a few seconds ago, and gives them 20 more demerits for using up too much air. Roy asks Wade if he's scared of Aloysius, but Wade says he's not. Why? They've arranged a perfect scare for Aloysius-his mom's arrival to take him home! She reprimands Aloysius for bossing people around and asks him to clean his room when he gets home for punishment. Orson comes back two weeks later, and finds much to his dismay that Roy and Wade are not only cosplaying as Aloysius, but are acting like him!
The second episode Kevin Meaney starred in was "The Discount of Monte Cristo". The title card for this one isn't as good as the first one, but I do like the font. The episode starts off with Roy greeting Orson and asking him what story he's telling tonight. The answer? The Count Of Monte Cristo. Roy gets excited for the dueling, armies and swords in the story. Orson then asks Roy and Wade to start imagining, when we hear a voice yell "Stop that fantasy sequence! That's not right!". Orson recognizes the voice as Aloysius' voice. Aloysius warns the gang that the story they are doing is very expensive. Orson says they are imagining it, but Aloysius explains that it has to be animated. Via hammerspace, he pulls out a picture of a staff of artists and explains that they do all the work. Roy and Wade question if they really do this, and if they get paid. Aloysius says they do, and that some of them make almost a hundred dollars a week. After he says this, Roy and Wade get amazed at this, and Aloysius talks about how the costs for pencils, paints and donuts (Maybe Aloysius likes donuts, which is why he said the last item) are also high, but Orson says they are pretending and they will keep things simple. Aloysius says that he'd better do so. Roy suggests that they should do a different story, and Wade says they should do one without pointy swords. Orson says no to both of these requests, and begins the story by having Roy and Wade imagine it. "Edmond Dantes was of 19 years of age and ardently in love. His conscience was clear, he had violated no law. Alas, though, he had made himself two enemies, the one named Danglars (Wade), who envied Edmond's rapid promotion in business, while Fernand (Roy) was crazed with love for Mercedes (A new character), Edmond's beloved." narrates Orson, as we see the characters dressed as the ones from the story. Aloysius then complains that the costumes are too expensive. After reading the part about Edmond being arrested on a false charge, Aloysius asks "Two more actors, plus costume rentals. Do they have any lines?" Orson says they don't, and Aloysius says that if they speak, they will have to pay them more. Orson tells the prison guards not to say anything, and they tell him "We won't!", making Aloysius angry. He says that throwing around money like that is "not right". Orson says he will read faster. We cut to a court scene where Danglars, Fernand, and a tan version of Edward R Furrow are having a trial on Edmond. Aloysius complains about the size of the set. We then cut to the scene where Edmond is sent to the Shadow D'Edith for the rest of his life, and Aloysius yells "Another big set. Plus boat rental! Insurance for filming ocean scenes...Location permit!" from his orange canoe. Edmond is thrown into a prison cell, while Danglars and Fernand talk about their plans in fake French accents. Aloysius complains again about the size of the set, dialect coaching, and getting crepe suzettes and escargot for a meal. He suggests his favorite food, pizza, instead. We then cut to Edmond, who is about to preform a musical number, when all of a sudden, the orchestra goes missing. Aloysius then tells that orchestras are costly these days, and wonders why Orson would want to hire one, as the oboe alone gets just $6 an hour. Orson then skips to a few pages, only to find out that Aloysius hired the people needed for the scene. Then, Edmond's jailer gets fired by Aloysius, adding more meaning to the line "Seeing no one all those years". Edmond plans to escape by digging a tunnel, but it only goes as far as the cell next to his, which looks like his cell. Why? Using the same background saves money. Then, the prisoner in the cell next to his dies, and he uses the tunnel, but lands in the same background again, for the same reason. Edmond cloaks himself in blankets to be mistaken for the dead prisoner while the color in the background vanishes, and it does happen-only the undertakers are played by Roy and Wade, since Aloysius didn't want to pay any more actors. As for why there was no color, Aloysius fires the painters, whom were "too expensive". Edmond bursts from the wrappings and fled, only to find 100 of the kings' soldiers. Aloysius then tries to tell him about how much it would cost, and Orson (who was Edmond all along) yells at him, saying that he has ruined the story. Aloysius says that this is good for him, because if he gets the costume back by 5AM, he saves a half-day's rental. Wade asks if that was the end, and Roy tells Orson that it wasn't much of a story. Orson tries to tell them that the story is really great, but Roy suggests they get rid of "Mr. Cost Cutter" (Aloysius). How do they do this? By imagining him into Robinson Crusoe and parodying the cost-cutting measures by stranding him onto the dessert island! He then wants to get off the island, asking for things like Cub Scouts on a raft and Flipper to get him off.
The final episode Kevin Meaney starred on was "Kiddie Korner", which aired 19 years ago today. It begins with Roy, Wade and Lanolin as doctors in a cottage in the Siberian hinterlands, using fake accents, when all of a sudden, we hear a familiar voice asking the characters to stop the episode. Aloysius wonders what the gang is doing. Orson tells him that they were doing Dr. Zhivago. Aloysius then tells them that this show is U.S. Acres, not Masterpiece Theater. He tells Orson he's not happy at The Network. Orson is in disbelief, and asks him for proof. What does Aloysius give Orson? His card, from hammerspace again. Aloysius forces the U.S. Acres gang to do nursery rhymes. Orson wonders if this is to attract younger viewers (ironic, because U.S. Acres was originally for preschoolers!), but Roy mocks Aloysius and says that nursery rhymes are all they understand at the network. Aloysius ignores his comment, and tells the gang to make the nursery rhymes wholesome and educational. He finishes the sentence by saying that doing Dr. Zhivago with a duck is "not right".
The U.S. Acres cast agrees to grant Aloysius' request, and present Mother Duck's Nursery Rhymes. Wade Duck sings the first song, "Wee Willy Winkie", better than any other song he has sung on the series, as Orson plays the title role. Aloysius interrupts Wade in the middle of the song, causing him to groan. Orson wonders why Aloysius interrupted him. Aloysius then tells him that running around the city in a nightgown is not right. Orson then tells him that's how the nursery rhyme goes, but Aloysius doesn't care, and says that teaching children to run around in their nightgowns is indecent, and that The Network doesn't tolerate that kind of behavior. Next, Orson sings Georgie Porgie as Roy plays the titular role, and Lanolin plays the girl who he makes cry by kissing her. Aloysius calls this very anti-social behavior. Roy compares this to beating up people who work for...DA-DUM! The Network. Aloysius warns Roy that he'll put a golf match in U.S. Acres' time slot next week if he acts like this, causing them to nearly get into a fight, until Lanolin tells them to pick a different nursery rhyme. This time, it's the story of Mrs. Muffet, with Lanolin playing Mrs. Muffet, Orson playing the spider, and Roy singing (notice a pattern here?). Aloysius then interrupts, wondering what the next line is. After Roy reads it (And frightened Mrs. Muffet away), Aloysius says that if it scared Mrs. Muffet, the children will be frightened by it as well. Then, Lanolin decides to sing Goosey Goosey Gander, with Wade playing the role, and Orson playing the old man. Aloysius says throwing an old man down the stairs is very anti-social behavior. Lanolin says it was in the book. Orson then sings Old Mother Hubbard, with Roy as Old Mother Hubbard, Wade as the baker, and Odie as the dog. Aloysius even notices this-how cute! Anyways, the torture Hubbard does to the cameo guest star upsets Aloysius. After explaining why he didn't like this idea (Odie had high ratings and a good agent), they ask what other nursery rhymes they can do, and Aloysius rejects them all. He threatens to put an infomercial on next week if they can't find a wholesome nursery rhyme. This leads to Roy pulling a prank on Aloysius: making him sing a wholesome nursery rhyme about himself, which turns out to be an attempt to throw pies at him. Orson promises that next time, they'll do something more wholesome than a nursery rhyme.
In case you are wondering why there were no pictures this week, it was due to the length of this week's video, showcasing all of Kevin Meaney's dialouge in U.S. Acres. Here it is:
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